Metropolitan Police Investigated Alleged Hate Crimes During Major London Rallies

So, picture this: London. Protesters. Chants. And a bunch of police officers with notepads, trying to figure out if someone’s joke about a politician was a “hate crime” or just a really bad pun. The Metropolitan Police recently went full detective mode on alleged hate crimes during two major London rallies—one pro-Palestine and one far-right—and the results are, well, a bit of a mess. It’s like trying to decide if your uncle’s rant at Thanksgiving is a crime or just a cry for help.

The Setup: Two Rallies, One Very Confused Police Force

First, you had the pro-Palestine march, a massive event where tens of thousands waved flags and chanted slogans. Then, you had the far-right counter-protest, which was smaller but, let’s be honest, came with a lot more bad haircuts and brass knuckles. The Met Police announced they were investigating dozens of potential hate crimes from both sides. That’s right—dozens. Because apparently, when you gather a crowd in London, the second most common thing after hot tea is hurling insults that might break the law.

Here’s the kicker: out of all those complaints, the police ended up making just a handful of arrests. Most of the “hate crimes” turned out to be things like shouting at someone or waving a flag too aggressively. One guy got nicked for wearing a T-shirt that said, “Keep London Generic,” which, frankly, is a hate crime against good fashion.

The Casual Casualties: When Banter Becomes a Crime Scene

Let me give you some examples. At the far-right rally, police investigated a man who allegedly shouted, “Go back to your own country” at a counter-protester. That sounds bad, until you realize the target was a British-born bloke from Birmingham. Surprising fact: you can’t deport someone to a place they already live, unless you’re building a wall around their flat. Meanwhile, at the pro-Palestine march, a woman was reported for holding a sign that said, “Free Palestine, and also free parking.” The cops spent an hour deciding if that was a crime or just a very specific commuter complaint.

The Met’s big problem? Hate crime laws in the UK are incredibly broad. Legally, a hate crime is any incident where the victim perceives it as motivated by hostility based on race, religion, sexual orientation, or disability. That means if I call you a “greasy sausage” because you’re from Germany, that could technically be a hate crime—but only if you take it that way. And let’s be real, the Germans have a great sense of humor about sausages. Probably.

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The Naked Truth: A Lot of Hot Air and Even More Bureaucracy

Here’s the humorous part: during one of the investigations, the police actually interviewed a man who was completely naked and screaming at a MP. That’s right—a full-on streaker with political opinions. Turns out, streaking isn’t a hate crime unless you’re specifically targeting someone’s gender or ethnicity with your birthday suit. The police let him off with a warning and a “please put on some trousers” note. You can’t make this up.

Another case involved a group of teenagers who chanted “All cops are bastards” at the far-right rally. The Met had to investigate because some officer on duty felt “targeted.” But here’s the twist: the same chant is also used at music festivals, soccer matches, and family reunions. It’s basically the UK’s national anthem for people who just missed their train. The investigation was dropped for lack of “hostile intent.” Translation: teens being teens, just with worse spray tans.

The Surprising Statistics: Hate Crimes Are Up, But So Is Snitching

Here’s a jaw-dropper: reported hate crimes in London hit an all-time high in 2023, with over 12,000 incidents. But get this—more than half were later “no-crimed” or dropped because they were, in police speak, “not quite crimey enough.” It’s like the city suddenly discovered that yelling at someone in traffic can be a hate crime if you use the wrong curse word. I’m surprised nobody’s been arrested for giving a dirty look to a pigeon.

Pro-Palestinian March Held in London as Police Scuffle With Far Right

The Met’s own report on these rallies admitted that “many complaints were based on misunderstandings, rival chants, and people just being offended by loud noises.” One complaint was literally about a man who “looked at me funny while waving a Palestinian flag.” The police officer wrote in the report: “The complainant was unable to describe the look in detail. Investigation concluded.” I imagine that officer is now writing a novel titled “The Case of the Mysterious Glare.”

The Takeaway: Don’t Riot, But Do Bring a Sense of Humor

So what’s the moral of this story? The Metropolitan Police investigated a bunch of alleged hate crimes during major London rallies, and most of them were just people being stupid, loud, or both. The real hate crime might be the time you spent reading this article instead of working. But hey, at least you learned that spitting on a police horse is not a hate crime—it’s just a crime against the horse’s dentist.

In the end, the Met issued a statement saying they “encourage everyone to exercise their right to protest peacefully, but please don’t be a tool.” I’m paraphrasing, but the sentiment is there. Next time you see a rally, just remember: yelling at a stranger is only a hate crime if you’re really, really specific about it. Otherwise, it’s just a Tuesday in London.