Has Luisa Zissman Moved To Dubai

So, the other day I’m scrolling through my feed, minding my own business, when a photo pops up—Luisa Zissman, sunglasses the size of small planets, lounging next to a pool that looks like it was poured from a can of Blue Lagoon. And behind her? Sand. Endless, golden, very Dubai sand. I nearly choked on my tea. (Yes, I’m British, we react to drama with tea.)

It got me thinking: has Luisa Zissman, the Apprentice tornado with the candy-floss empire, actually moved to Dubai? Or is she just on a very extended, very Instagram-friendly holiday? Let’s dig into the biscuit tin of gossip, shall we?

First, a little backstory for the uninitiated. You remember Luisa, right? The one who told Lord Sugar she’d be amazing in business, then proceeded to launch a cupcake brand and a lingerie line with the ferocity of a caffeinated terrier. She’s loud, she’s glam, and she doesn’t do subtle. Dubai is basically her spiritual home—if that home had a dress code of “more sparkle, please.”

The Clues Are Piling Up Like Designer Luggage

Let’s look at the evidence, because I’m a detective now, apparently. Her Instagram stories have been a non-stop reel of infinity pools, brunches with dolphins (yes, actual dolphins), and captions like “Desert vibes only.” She’s been posting from the Palm Jumeirah with the frequency of someone who’s paid rent there, not a hotel bill.

Plus, she’s been hanging out with other British reality stars who’ve already made the leap. You know the type: they all get together to complain about the heat and compare their vitamin D levels. It’s a whole ecosystem of expats who decided UK weather was an insult to their skin.

But Wait—There’s a Plot Twist

Here’s where it gets juicy. Luisa hasn’t officially announced a “I’m moving to Dubai, bye bye rainy Britain” post. She’s being coy, which is both annoying and deeply on-brand. She’ll post a sunset from a yacht, then a photo of her daughter in a London park. The girl loves a mixed signal. (Sound familiar? Like that one friend who says they’re moving abroad but just buys a new luggage set.)

Luisa Zissman Dubai Move: 7 Powerful Reasons Behind Her Bold

I did a little digging—because I have no life—and found that she’s been renting out her UK properties. That’s a big hint. Nobody rents out their house unless they’re either broke or planning to disappear to a tax-free paradise. And Luisa is definitely not broke, unless you count the cost of maintaining that tan.

The Real Reason? (Spoiler: It’s Not Just the Sun)

Let’s be real for a second. Dubai has a massive lure for entrepreneurs like her. Zero income tax? Yes, please. A lifestyle that screams “I made it”? Absolutely. And for a single mum who’s built a brand on being unapologetically extra, Dubai offers a bubble where you can be extra and practical. (Side note: imagine the school run in a convertible. Her daughter probably has tinted windows and a juice box with a straw shaped like a palm tree.)

But here’s the irony: Luisa has always been about British hustle—cupcakes, lingerie, even a short stint in politics (remember that? It was weird). Moving to Dubai feels like she’s graduating from hustle to luxury sandcastle. It’s the logical next step for someone who once said, “I don’t do modest.”

Luisa Zissman stops off in the Maldives amid 'manic' move to Dubai with

Still, I can’t help but wonder if she’ll miss the drama. Dubai is lovely, but it lacks the rain, the passive-aggressive queues, and the occasional scandal over a bad scone. Luisa thrives on chaos. She’s like a firework that needs a damp, grey sky to pop against.

What About the Kids? And the Cats?

Yes, she has a daughter, and a son, and a very public love life. Moving countries with two kids is a logistical nightmare—unless you hire a nanny and a personal chef, which she probably has. Also, does she have a cat? I imagine a Dubai cat would be very chic, wearing tiny sunglasses. (Stop judging my fantasy.)

So, has she moved? My verdict: yes, but she won’t admit it until she’s secured the sponsorship deal for a Netflix show called “Luisa in the Desert.” Mark my words. She’ll announce it with a dramatic video montage set to a remix of “The Apprentice” theme song, and we’ll all pretend to be surprised.

For now, just enjoy the photos. If you see a blonde woman in a gold bikini arguing with a camel about which one is more fabulous, you’ll know you’ve found her. And honestly? I’m rooting for her. Go get that tax-free sunshine, Luisa. Just save me a seat by the pool—I’ll bring the tea.