How To Keep Spiders Out Of House

Let's be honest: finding a spider in your home is like discovering a surprise party guest who didn't bring chips, has too many legs, and might startle you into karate-chopping your own coffee table. You want them out, but you also don't want to turn your living room into a chemical warfare zone. Lucky for you, I’ve waged war on these eight-legged freeloaders for years, and I’m here to share the secrets—with a side of jokes.

The Spider's Secret Resume

First, a shocking fact: spiders are actually your friends—until they’re not. According to entomologists, the average spider eats about 2,000 insects a year, including mosquitoes and flies. That’s basically a tiny, hairy exterminator working for free. But nobody wants a roommate who web-slings across your face while you’re watching Netflix.

Here’s the twist: 90% of spiders in your house never leave the room they were born in. So if you see one, it’s probably a local celebrity. The real key to spider-proofing isn’t killing them—it’s making your home feel like a terrible Airbnb with zero amenities.

Step 1: Seal the Cracks Like You’re Hiding From the IRS

Spiders are escape artists—they can squeeze through gaps as thin as a credit card. Grab some caulk and fill every crack around windows, doors, and baseboards. Think of it as giving your house a full-body dental floss treatment. Don’t forget the space under your front door; that gap is a spider highway with no speed limit.

Pro tip: if you can slide a paperclip under a door, a spider can waltz in wearing a top hat. Use a door sweep or draft stopper. I recommend one shaped like a dachshund—it’s cute and it makes the floor feel loved.

Step 2: Turn Your Home Into a Mint-Flavored Nightmare

Here’s a fun science fact: spiders smell with their feet. Yes, their little creepy-crawly feet are basically noses. And what do those nose-feet hate? Peppermint. Mix 10-15 drops of peppermint essential oil with water in a spray bottle and spritz along baseboards, corners, and window sills. Your house will smell like a candy cane exploded in a spa.

You can also buy spider repellent sprays at the store, but the homemade mint mix is cheaper and safer for pets—unless your dog tries to lick the baseboard, in which case, congratulations, you now have a minty-fresh mutt. Reapply every two weeks, because spiders have short memories and apparently no sense of duty.

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Step 3: Declutter, or Become a Spider Landlord

Spiders love boxes, piles of laundry, and that corner of your garage where you “store” holiday decorations from 2007. Clutter is a spider’s five-star resort with free buffet. Vacuum regularly—especially behind furniture and under beds. When you do, immediately empty the vacuum bag outside, or you’ll create a spider cyclone that escapes back into your living room.

And here’s a wild stat: a single female spider can lay up to 3,000 eggs in one season. That’s not a spider problem—that’s a small army with eight legs and zero interest in democracy. Vacuuming disrupts their cozy little egg sacs, which are usually the size of a pea and look like tiny asbestos pillows. Just suck them up. No tears.

Step 4: The Great Outdoor Cleanup

Your garden is basically a spider nightclub. Keep firewood, mulch, and leaf piles at least 20 feet from your house. Spiders use them as staging areas before invading your bedroom. Trim tree branches that overhang your roof—they’re natural spider bridges. Think of it as cutting off the enemy’s Wi-Fi.

If you have outdoor lights, swap them for yellow or sodium-vapor bulbs. Regular white lights attract insects—which attract spiders, because spiders are basically lazy bouncers who show up wherever the party is. Yellow lights are less bug-friendly, and thus less spider-friendly. It’s like switching the nightclub to a library. Boring for everyone.

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Step 5: The "Friendlier" Trap Option

If you spot a spider and can’t handle the nine-legged drama (yes, I know they have eight, but the drama makes it feel like nine), use a glass and a piece of paper. Quickly trap it, slide the paper under, and release it outside. Do this while saying, “Go, be free, and tell your friends this house is haunted.” One study found that 60% of spiders released outdoors survive—so you’re not a murderer, just a cranky evictor.

I recommend releasing it at least 50 feet from your house, or it’ll just turn around and walk back inside, possibly filing a complaint with the HOA.

The Final Web of Truth

Look, you’ll never get rid of every spider. That’s like trying to make a cat obey traffic laws. But with these steps, you can reduce the population from “nightmare fuel” to “occasional surprise guest who leaves after one drink.” Remember: spiders are mostly harmless—in fact, only about 30 of the 40,000 known spider species have venom dangerous to humans. That’s a 0.075% chance of trouble. So relax. Unless you see a black widow, in which case, run away, then seal the house with minty fire.

Now go forth, caulk like a mad scientist, and reclaim your territory. And if a spider still stares at you from the ceiling, just nod and say, “You’re on thin ice, buddy.” It won’t work, but it feels good.