How To Get Spark Back In A Relationship

Remember that time you two were supposed to meet for a quick coffee, but ended up talking for four hours, missing a movie, and ordering a second dessert just to stay? Yeah, that spark. The one that made you feel like you were in a secret, hilarious club with just the two of you. Then, somewhere between the leaky faucet, the shared Netflix queue, and the third argument about whose turn it is to take out the trash, that club started feeling a bit… dim. You’re not alone in wondering how to flick the switch back on.

Let’s be real: that initial spark isn't a magic, eternal flame. It’s more like a campfire that needs fuel, air, and sometimes a little bit of dramatic waving of a newspaper to get it roaring again. The good news? You don’t need a complete relationship overhaul. You just need to re-learn how to be curious about each other again, instead of just efficient. And yes, that requires ditching the “we’ve been together too long for this” excuse.

Stop Being Roommates Who Have Sex (Or Don't)

The number one spark-killer? Treating your partner like a very familiar roommate you’re also allowed to touch. You know the drill: “What’s for dinner?”, “Did you pay the internet bill?”, “Don’t leave your socks there.” Stop it. Right now. Those are the logistics of a co-living arrangement, not the language of lovers.

You need to inject novelty into the mundane. Instead of asking about their day in the same monotone voice while looking at your phone, try a game: “Tell me one weird thing that happened today.” Or “What’s a secret thought you had at lunch?” The goal isn't the answer; it’s the act of playing together. It’s remembering you’re partners in crime, not just partners in property management.

And for the love of all that is romantic, stop talking about the schedule during dinner. Save the logistics for a five-minute meeting on the couch. Dinner is for being delightfully distracted by each other, not for planning the next trip to the hardware store. (Side comment: You know I’m right. You’ve done it.)

The Sneaky Power of 'Friendly' Flirting

Think back to when you were dating. You didn’t start conversations with “Hi, dear, did you schedule the dentist appointment?” You started with playful teases, lingering looks, and inside jokes. Reclaim that. Flirt with your partner like you’re trying to win them over again. Send a silly meme that only they would get, or a text that says “I just thought of you and smirked in public. People are staring.”

3 Ways to Get the Spark Back in Your Relationship - wikiHow

Here’s a pro-tip: Physical touch without the expectation of sex is a game-changer. A hand on the small of their back while you’re making coffee. A quick, firm hug that lasts five seconds longer than usual. This re-establishes a sense of connection and safety that the spark thrives on. It’s like watering the plant without demanding it bloom immediately.

Also, make a pact to laugh at something ridiculous together every day. Find a video of a cat being launched off a shelf, or recount that god-awful date you had before you met (you know, the one with the guy who only talked about his kombucha business). Shared laughter is rocket fuel for low-energy relationships. It reminds you you’re on the same team.

Plan a 'Date' That Feels Like an Adventure (Not a Chore)

Forget the predictable “dinner and a movie.” That’s for people who are trying to kill an evening. You need a shared experience that creates a micro-memory. Go to a thrift store and each pick out the ugliest outfit for the other to model. Take a class in something you’re both terrible at (pottery? Roller skating?). The awkwardness is the point.

Need the Spark Back in Your Relationships? | Charity Craig

Why? Because when you’re both out of your element, you rely on each other for humor and support. That’s where the real intimacy lives. You stop being “the person who knows my sock drawer” and become “the one who laughed when I fell on the roller rink.” Vulnerability is a secret ingredient to the spark. It’s hard to be bored when you’re trying not to break a pot or break your ankle.

One more thing: prioritize your own spark. Go do that hobby you abandoned. Read a book that has nothing to do with your relationship. The most attractive version of you is the one who is engaged and energized on your own. You can’t bring fire to a party if you’ve forgotten to tend your own flame. (Side comment: Yes, this is permission to be a little selfish. Use it wisely.)

The Final, Unsexy Truth

Sometimes the spark isn’t gone—it’s just buried under a pile of good intentions, tired schedules, and the belief that “this phase will pass.” It won’t pass on its own. You have to actively choose to dig it out. Not with a grand gesture, but with a hundred tiny, intentional choices to be playful, curious, and a little weird.

So tomorrow morning, instead of saying “Morning” like a robot, try this: nudge them and say, “I had a dream you won a llama in a card game. I’m not letting this go until you roleplay the llama’s backstory with me.” Is it silly? Absolutely. But silly is the cousin of sparky. And honestly? You both deserve a little more silly.